What is a christian husband supposed to do if his wife who constantly is disobedient? Good answers please?

I want good advice on what a christian husband should do if his wife is constantly disobeying him? I’m talking about a marriage that is supposed to be a christian household where the wife said in her wedding vows that she would love, honor, and obey. Its sad several years later some wives get this way. Please, no bad advice.

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29 Comments to “What is a christian husband supposed to do if his wife who constantly is disobedient? Good answers please?”

  • Lunar Child

    recollect your own vows

  • Iris

    The bible says stone people.


    I hope she leaves you. You can’t possibly be serious.

  • Hulk

    according to the Bible the wife is supposed to be obedient!

  • Johnny Y

    You’re pathetic if you think wives are only meant to obey you. They’re your WIFE, not your SLAVE.

    We’re beyond the Middle Ages, troll. Catch up to the 21st century already.

  • ♥Cуαиι∂є♥ [мσяє тσχι¢ тнαи тнσυ]

    Spank her.
    She might even like it.


  • raVar

    Be Jesus

    Seriously. That was the apostle Paul’s advice. It is extremely difficult in today’s day and age, I know, but Pauls advice, was to treat her as Jesus would.

    Women are taught today in the world that we live in that submission means domination. Nothing could be further from the truth, Biblically. Submission is NOT domination. But that’s what women are taught in Satan’s world.

    Paul wrote:

    “Therefore, become imitators of God, as beloved children, and go on walking in love, just as the Christ also loved you and delivered himself up for you as an offering … Be in subjection to one another in fear of Christ. Let wives be in subjection to their husbands as to the Lord, because a husband is head of his wife as the Christ also is head of the congregation, he being a savior of [this] body. In fact, as the congregation is in subjection to the Christ, so let wives also be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, continue loving your wives, just as the Christ also loved the congregation and delivered up himself for it” – Ephesians 5:1,2, 21-25

    Notice how Paul phrased that …

    “go on walking in love, just as the Christ also loved you”


    “a husband is head of his wife as the Christ also is head of the congregation”


    “just as the Christ also loved the congregation”

    As the Christ was the head. We’re to try to act like him. As Napoleon stated, Jesus was such an effective leader, he can command ones – without even his visible presence. That’s how good of a leader he is. And a leader? Does not have the option of losing his temper. I talk about this, because as a Christian man? I have a temper problem. It’s something I fight against, and apologize for constantly.

    But a temper? Is simply not an option.

    Just as Jesus loved us, and showed us the way by his leadership? We are to try to act like Jesus. It isn’t hard. We have our imperfect flesh trying to cause us to lose our temper. I know. I’m a Christian husband. But that’s not an option. We must not give in to the imperfect flesh. We have to try to be like Jesus. There is no record of him ever losing his temper.

    Wives are to be in subjection to us as husbands, as the apostles and disciples were to Jesus. But think about it? How did the apostles and disciples act at times? Haughty. Self-righteous. Peter even presumed to take the son of God aside, and proceed to COUNSEL Jesus !! They were always arguing over which one of them was the greatest.


    But Jesus never did that. He never said that. His response, was to serve them. Yes, he was their master, and he said

    “You are my friends if you do what I am commanding you” – John 15:14

    So their discipleship WAS dependent on obedience to what Jesus said. He WAS in charge. But Jesus never acted in a manner that was that of “I’m the guy in charge, listen to me”. When they fell short? He tried to help them understand where their attitude needed adjusting.

    But there is never a record of Jesus ever losing his temper. He always tried something different to help them see the point.

    The apostles bickered and argued over who was the best one of them, and Jesus tried for YEARS to correct their thinking. They just wouldn’t listen. He was telling them he had less than 24 hours to live, and they would no longer have his daily influence, and they STILL started to argue about it !!!

    What was his response?

    He was Jesus.

    He washed their feet, to try to teach them a lesson of humility. At that point, Judas was still there. He was dismissed before the Lords evening meal.

    But think about that. He washed the feet of the man who would betray everything he believed in. He already knew Judas was bound for Gehenna. There was no saving him. Judas was dispicable. But he was willing to wash THAT guys feet, if it meant helping his disciples.

    The world we live in, is influenced by an angel who is a narcassistic sociopath.

    “We know we originate with God, but the whole world is lying in the [power of the] wicked one” – 1 John 5:19

    Satan teaches women that subjection is domination, which it isn’t. That’s not surprising though. Satan is the original rebel, that hates anything about anyone telling him what to do. A complete and utter narcissist. God teaches us that subjection means that our role? Is that we have to act like Jesus. And when we are frustrated due to disobedience, bad attitude, willful, rebellious thinking?

    We have to think of another way to help them. Trust me, as a husband, I sympathize. I understand how difficult it is. But it’s the job we signed up for. Not to “tell them what to do”, but to patiently act as Christ, and try to figure out something else that will work; to help them grow as individuals and spiritually.

    It’s a very, very difficult job, to lead.

  • Spindrift

    It is misogynistic attitudes like yours that drive people away from God, you represent the very worst the overly zealous Christians have to offer. You set a horrible example by being dictatorial. close minded, selfish, self centered and abusive. My condolences to your wife.

  • nehkbet

    If you want blind obedience dump your wife and buy a dog

  • Cujo the psycho dog

    LOL. That’s why I plan to write my own vows and not marry a Christian (or any other religious man)

  • Gentleman Jack

    Beat her up.

  • Smile Jesus Loves You

    Keep on praying for her. If you really want help, then let me know…

  • Trish JPA and Jewish Pastafarian

    I am SO gonna marry a Jewish guy if I ever get married again. Where do Christians come up with this crap????? No Jewish woman would EVER put up with this stupidity.

  • Auburn

    So biblically speaking the bible says that wives are to submit to their husband.

    BUT if you are obeying biblical scripture than this is a Catch 22. You, as instructed by Jesus, would be commanded to treat others better than yourself. So you would be denying Jesus’ command if you were to, let’s say, be angry or mad at your wife for not submitting/obeying.

    I hope that makes sense.

    Bottom line, even if she is in the wrong, you MUST still treat her with all the love in the world and pray for change.

    That is according to the bible.

  • JrEoSsUeS

    First, pray for wisdom.

    Here are some of the things that will cause a wife to hold-back part of her heart from her husband….

    He looks at other women

    He puts the burden of record keeping on her (medical, financial…)

    He expects her to do all the cooking, cleaning, and whatever else after He comes home from a hard day’s work.

    He expects her to be completely responsible for getting the kids to school, to the doctor, to the dentist, to their social activities.

    He only shows a deep attraction for her when he want to have sex.

    He bullies her.

    I’m not saying you do any of this but how much pressure do you put on her?

    This advice is only meant to give you direction. If there is something you are doing to cause her to pull away then it can be reconciled by action and repentance.

    However, if she is pulling away because of something she is doing then all you can do is talk to her.

    (btw… most of the answers in here suck – don’t listen to the idiots that think it’s unreasonable for a man wanting the obedience of his wife. They’ve probably gone through failed marriages because they can’t understand a marriage relationship.)

  • God Loves You

    “Make me know Your ways, O Lord;

    Teach me Your paths.

    Lead me in Your truth and teach me,

    For You are the God of my salvation…

    All the paths of the Lord are lovingkindness and truth

    To those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.

    My eyes are continually toward the Lord…”

    Psalm 25

    Walking in our own counsel is dangerous business because we usually believe only what we want to believe. Our choices are usually tainted with worldly thoughts and we usually make decisions that are to our own liking, so we cannot automatically assume that what we know what is best. The Lord said that “They did not obey or incline their ear, but walked in their own counsels and in the stubbornness of their evil heart, and went backward and not forward” (Jeremiah 7:24). If we choose to run to the ‘safety’ of man-made birth control methods, which had their start in the hearts of evil and wicked people, then our faith can be compared to the unbelievers who view unborn life as disposable and not God-breathed. “You ask advice from everyone but me, and decide to do what I don’t want you to do.” (Isaiah 30:1-2 TLB). We must walk alongside God and obey what His calling is for our lives, not ask Him to follow us wherever we are leading Him. When we want to keep our lives for ourselves, in the end we will lose it, but when we offer it to Jesus, all of it, that is when we will save it (Luke 9:24). James 4:14-15 says, “Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, ‘If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.’” Likewise, we should not say, “I want one boy and one girl and I want them spaced two years apart and then that’s it” or “I am DONE having kids!” Instead, we ought to say, “If it’s the Lord’s will…” because “It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves” (Psalm 100:3).
    The Bible tells us that Satan will attack the righteous and the faithful in the last days. He will test them and discourage them by any means possible, even by using fellow Christians who are not like-minded to say hurtful words, demeaning comments, and outright criticism aimed at the husband and wife with a large family. Satan would love nothing more than for us to continue on this same path of ignorance about birth control. He would love nothing more if we caved in to the pressures of society and to the criticism and ridicule of our fellow Christian community. He does not want us to dig into the underlying issues and search our hearts. But what does God want? God doesn’t want us to be so careless and complacent in our lives, especially with choices that will affect so many generations to come! Just because a certain custom or thought-process is so engrained into our minds and our culture does not let us off the hook for finding out the truth on our own. We need to make decisions on purpose rather than “go with the flow”.

  • Love is the principle thing

    Turn her over to God and let Him deal with it. You can’t make any one obey you “just because”. For example; if you (not an attack), are an idiot and command stupid things of her, why should she obey? She has no Bible obligation to obey you, only God. If you expect obedience from her, you will first have to be perfect (like God) your self.

  • Tina

    Just remember that the Bible says that each will carry his (or her) own load. In other words, we will each render an account with God. Instead of worrying about how to fix your wife, look and see if there is something that you need to fix about yourself first.
    While you are trying to fix yourself, perhapse you may find your wife following your good example. Even if she doesnt, just know that you are doing what God is requiring of you.
    You cant make someone do something they dont want to, even if it is your wife.

  • krag

    Try no moving so much while she pulling the trigger Asshole

  • fasty

    is it you wife or your slave? (obey)

  • ver_jen

    I am assuming that you are a believer and your wife is not. The Bible says this about the situation:

    1 Corinthians 7:11-14 ” …And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say this: If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.” ” “… The unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy”

    Also, you can not change your wife, but you can change yourself. Continue to do what God wants from you and hold up your end of the agreement. You will be held accountable for YOUR actions, not the actions of your wife. Above all else show love because love can change people.

    1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

    Pray for your wife and be good to her even when she is not good to you. God will work with her. I am also assuming that you have spoken to her about the things that are bothering you? If not, you should and then mention it no more. Continue to love and cherish her as you have promised and let God lead her back to your relationship.

  • cup of tea

    it also depends on just what you are expecting from your wife. She married you to love to honor and to obey but along and in between there is a word called respect. Respect is something both needs to show, if there is no respect for each others feelings then there is something wrong and if you are referring to Eph. 5:24 you need to read the rest. the 24th verse says a lot but then so does the rest of it and many don’t take the time to read and understand there is more to it. maybe you or your friend needs to read it.

  • Savage serenity

    Are you the husband?

    Treat your wife with love, compassion, and respect. She is your equal, and your partner. Don’t just throw this in her face, but teach her in a polite way about the principle of submission. That doesn’t mean that she is your servant- it just means that you are the leader of the household.

    Seek counseling with a good Christian family/marriage counselor about this issue. It will help!

  • Paperlilly

    Usually the way you start out in a relationship is what you are going to get down the line. You really can’t get a grasp on it if you do things too quick. In order to really get to know a person it takes years of invested time. Obedience goes for both in the marriage relationship. If you are not setting a good example this could create a problem. All the basic issues should be “ironed” out before marriage. There is the one escape clause in marriage and that is adultery.

  • marksbrat1983@yahoo.com

    Sit down and talk to her, discuss Christian Domestic Discipline. Google this there are many good sites.

  • Ernest S

    He must pray and depend upon God. He must walk with God through the trial and accept it as from His hand and that God has a purpose in it which He will work out in due time. He must accept the cross offered for it will cut off his self life and lead him to depend upon God and live by Christ’s life. No matter how perplexing nor how against what he perceives things should be he must look to God and depend upon Him to sustain him and work. He is to learn to have God work in and through him rather than attempt to enforce his own works. He will learn of the primacy of inward spirituality over outward observance.

    Obviously he must examine himself to see whether he is not walking aright in anything and seek God the more through His word to sustain and carry him through this strange and uncomfortable trial. He will learn to walk with the Lord and be united in his sufferings.

    It is not so uncommon a thing but it is normally not a publicly known thing and it is a very difficult and acutely trying experience which if borne through Christ will ultimately result in much blessing though it might seem very much otherwise.

    It will teach much but also be hard to bear and at times difficult to face. He will very unlikely get any real help or understanding from the churches but in that he must go forth therefore unto Christ without the camp, bearing His reproach.

    He will learn to be forgiving and seek her blessing and return good for evil without compromising his walk with the Lord. If there are children he will wish to set a good example in Christ and bring them up to follow that, and teach them of the inward spiritual realities through knowing Christ. He will prove that all can be endured through Christ and even in trial there can be rejoicing.

    He will have the example of Scripture to know that it is God’s ordering for God’s purposes.

    Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
    Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations:
    That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:

    Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:
    But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.
    If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified.

    My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
    Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
    But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

    He will likewise also know that others have experienced and share like pressing experiences.

    For we would not, brethren, have you ignorant of our trouble which came to us in Asia, that we were pressed out of measure, above strength, insomuch that we despaired even of life:
    But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead:
    Who delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver: in whom we trust that he will yet deliver us;

    But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.
    We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;
    Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;
    Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.
    For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh.

    He will know that this is a path of the cross that he is offered.
    And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.

    And he will remember Christ,
    All that hate me whisper together against me: against me do they devise my hurt.
    An evil disease, say they, cleaveth fast unto him: and now that he lieth he shall rise up no more.
    Yea, mine own familiar friend, in whom I trusted, which did eat of my bread, hath lifted up his heel against me.

    For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it: neither was it he that hated me that did magnify himself against me; then I would have hid myself from him:
    But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance.
    We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company.

    Trust ye not in a friend, put ye not confidence in a guide: keep the doors of thy mouth from her that lieth in thy bosom.
    For the son dishonoureth the father, the daughter riseth up against her mother, the daughter in law against her mother in law; a man’s enemies are the men of his own house.
    Therefore I will look unto the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation: my God will hear me.

    It should not be sought, but seen as a blessing for what God will accomplish through it. Of course all these things must be learned and are hardly learnt overnight.

  • Mohamed

    The bible calls husbands to love their wives as christ loved the church and the wives to respect their husbands . I suggest you watch Fireproof , its an excellent movie about marriage crisis. I suggest even you watch it with your spouse

  • Sugar

    Continue to pray that God touches her heart.

  • Rachel

    There IS record of Jesus losing his temper. It’s when he found people using his bride (the church/the temple) as a marketplace. He flipped over tables filled with goods. Just thought I’d throw that in there.

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